Eternal Meditation of the Clueless Mind

So! There was a time when I was utterly clueless about my life.. Whom should I blame? My imbalanced hormones or my hereditary laziness?? Well, whatever is it , world won’t come to me and say, ‘Oh Isha , you are a failure….its okay, you didn’t do it, It was the fault of your Ovarian Endocrine Disorders’ …No, of Course…I were to be blamed for my own actions.

So! Two entire years of wastefully spending in just eating, sleeping , dreaming and getting overweight, nothing else really happened in my life. Oh yes, I used to attend my classes sometimes, and I thought dragging myself to a lecture is a colossal task which I did every day, ummm, almost every day…. So, I am pursuing the purpose of my life, I am focused… !!! Voila, this enlightened thought led me doing….. nothing else !

So! Finally after two sluggish years which moved in my life like Calcutta’s tram, the kumbhkaran inside me woke up. Yayy ! I have finally opened my eyes from a deep slumber. I am fresh and excited. So, I planned to stress out my body and brains … In the chills of December, I planned to work out. Immediately I joined the aerobic classes. Sports tee shirt, track pants, sports shoes and I am all set to burn the stage. Instructor came and class started with music.

First ten minutes- I am the most enthused girl in room
Next five minutes- I came down to normal level
Next five minutes- I am breathing heavily
Next five minutes- Aerobics is in full swing, I am standing, panting heavily.

Giving the excuse of Asthma, I escaped my embarrassment and rushed out of the class. After fifteen minutes, I was lying on bed still catching up my breath.

So! This was the condition of my body. Name- Over fed, under utilised !

Next was my mind’s turn. How to bring that in shape ???

So ! If you are in distress , there are thousands to give you free advice. In india, every person is a psychologist without degree. An expert advised me “Meditation”. He said do meditation and your mind will be back to focus soon. Meditation ! Sounds smart and elite. Next evening, after some prayers, I sat down for meditation. My pre production stage was perfectly implemented. Cell phone switched off, bed neatly done, attire worn according to the purpose. Now, execution. And with legs crossed, fingers in asan, eyes closed and I started meditating. But hey, what is to be done in meditation??? What to think, what not to think, I was clueless again. And then I remembered, he asked me just not to think and stay focused. Okay, the challenge is to try not to think.

So ! I thought not to think. When a child is asked not to do a certain thing, he will deliberately do it especially with more vigor. Random thoughts started coming my way- Who will cry when I will die??? My sexual urgency has increased within time,…yesterday’s Kadhai chicken was awesome… is my roomie staring at me while I am meditating??? When I will lose weight, I will go out on trekking….And blah, and blah, and blah….. And I was the Shah of my Blah! Okay, no thoughts! And I am literally kicking out thoughts from my mind…. Thoughts are gone…. I am not thinking anything, I am not thinking anything… Wooh…Finally, I have started meditating…But wait! I am thinking that ‘I am not thinking anything’. Oh God, have mercy! I just cannot go thoughtless…

So! Here I realized that neither my body nor my mind, I was able to control. I can’t work out, I can’t meditate, I can’t stop being a glutton. What was the problem? Where was I going wrong? I was unable to unravel this mystery.

So! It just happened that day. One click and I got the answer. I was reading an article about spirituality. How clearly it stated, if your soul is pure, your every action, your word is pure. Yes, it was so true. While I was busy in polishing the outer levels, I forgot that the most basic thing, which is the soul is needed to be purified and later comes other stages…. I started working on detoxifying my soul.

So! The first thing that I was determined to give up was non veg food. Always feeling pity whenever an innocent animal is lacerated in front of me, but when it is served roasted with spices flavoring it, I am more merciless than that butcher. I experimented! I experimented giving up non veg food for a month… yoga became a part of my life. And after one month, when I checked whether I am still in love with chicken, I tasted a piece of it. Then and there, my body, my mind, my soul everything rejected it. I puked it out. I was never so happy before! With the help of yoga, I regained my energy. If nothing else, I started doing household work. Brooming, swabbing, cooking….. I fell in love with these homely tasks, they kept me so energetic. The cleanliness around me helped me in calming my mind and soothing my soul. And I suddenly I realized one thing, If I am brooming, I don’t let even one particle stay on the floor, If I am swabbing I swab every corner of the room, if I am cooking, I put spices in accurate quantity. This is meditation… Isn’t it??? Be it any damn work, if it is done with utmost concentration, it is Meditation.

So! Here I realized what meditation is. I am still not able to be thoughtless, but try to give my best to any task I do. It is meditation…. Isn’t it?