Why don’t men serve at their in laws home

I am a month old married woman. Though I feel truly blessed to have been raised in an environment where my parents undeniably practiced gender equality, but still there are some ideologies that seem to be set in stone while it becomes very difficult to uproot them even with logic.

My parents never said that I was raised like a son, they said they raised me like a daughter, because there is nothing wrong in being a daughter. But now after getting me married, I don’t understand why they too drown themselves into a deluge of old, irrational customs when they have to deal with my husband? My mother proudly declares that now she doesn’t have two but four children, the latest inclusion being my sister-in-law and my husband. But the thought that trouble my mind is that while my sister-in-law is treated the way I am at home, why isn’t my husband treated like my brother is. Why is he put on a pedestal from which he should never alight?

After few days of marriage, I started helping my mother-in-law in kitchen when I was at their place. I felt proud to be a part of the family where my father-in-law shared the kitchen work equally. And when they visit us, I serve them with all love and warmth. I make sure they feel like it’s just their home.  And the hospitality isn’t intended to seek a validation from them, it is a reaction to the affection they always surround me with.

But when we visit my parents’ home it is not the same case. While I help my mother in the household work, my husband is asked only to sit and relax. I understand that sometimes he is exhausted from office, so he shouldn’t work, or we visit them occasionally so he is treated like the guest, I understand the reasons behind the obligation till the point it becomes a norm. Why do we get quickly acclimatized to the fact that men should not serve at their in laws’ home? What part of their manliness will diminish if they will fetch a glass of water from kitchen?

He adores me when I serve his parents well, wouldn’t I like if he would do the same? And although he seems fine with it, my parents wouldn’t let him. My parents may have non compliance with illogical traditions for the world but when it comes to their own daughter, they wouldn’t take a chance.

Even despite all the advancements, is our society still lingering on the idea of giving your daughter is an obligation? Is the groom side still has an upper hand? Are we still nonchalantly accepting without questioning?

This article is not a rant on men being treated superiorly. But only if we mull over some illogical customs and bring a change to them, the outcomes can make a big difference in the relations which otherwise abound with formalities.